Monday, November 9, 2009

A Woman Scorned

I thought this was one of the funniest stories I have heard in a very long time. It's a joke that was told to me when I was going through a divorce and it just really hit the spot for me.

A lady and her husband lived together in a beautiful mansion, over looking a lake. With a beautiful winding driveway and flowerbeds surrounding the home, it was a dream come true. However, one day the woman came home to find her husband in bed with a 20 something bleach blonde. Now this woman was not by any means stupid. She knew that she did not have a job, although the house was completely paid for, she could not possibly afford to kick him out so she played it cool, filed for divorce and in the settlement she let him have the house with the agreement that a.) when he sold it she got 1/2 of the equity and b.) she could have one more night alone in the beautiful house before his mistress moved in.

To make for a speedy divorce, her husband agreed to her terms. So on the night following the divorce, she made herself a beautiful dinner of shrimp and wine, lit a candle and dined.

But as she was cleaning up she started placing the tails of the shrimp and other leftovers in the curtain rods, under the carpet and in the tv stand. Then she turned out the lights, locked all the doors and smiled as she walked herself to the car.

The next day her husband moved his new bride to be in to the luscious house and they started their new life together. But before long, a rotten smell began permeating from every corner of the house. The new bride scrubbed the walls and floors, washed the drapes and scoured the whole house, but to no avail. Before long she could not stand it any longer and demanded that he sell the beautiful home. However, with the smell permeating the entire house, he had alot of trouble getting any interested buyers. He lowered the price and lowered the price until it was selling for less than houses a tenth it's market value. Finally, it seemed a miracle, he received an offer from an anonymous buyer for the very low price he was asking. His brand new marriage already on the rocks and his new wife threatening to leave, he was glad for any buyers and he accepted the offer.

The stress of his divorce, his new marriage and the house had ultimately cost him his job and he was struggling to make ends meet. He bought his new bride a moderately priced home in a downtown suburban neighborhood and since this was not what she had bargained for, the marriage ultimately ended.

The wife on the other hand, who had been the anonymous buyer, took her half of the equity from the sale of the house and went through the house, removing all of her carefully placed treats and cleaning the house thoroughly. She turned around and sold it for market value, bought another elegant although slightly smaller house on the lake and used the equity from the re-sell of the home to live luxuriously until she found another man who loved and adored her and took care of her every whim.

The moral to this story is: Never underestimate the wrath of a woman scorned!

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